Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
