and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
