dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
