During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
