After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
