I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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