did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
