one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
