She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
