And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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