oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
