you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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