when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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