$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
