his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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