i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
