it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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