Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
