We named our party play list daddy issues
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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