it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
