dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
