I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
