It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
