Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
