I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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