she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
