Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
