You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
