All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
