my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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