Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
