get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
