So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
