Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
