Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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