Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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