Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
