oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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