I wish my penis had an off switch
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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