my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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