You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
