Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
