And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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