After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
