I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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