I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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