So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
