my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
