i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
