We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
