I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
