I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
