your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
