Just fell off a train. Bad.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
