I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
