bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
