We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
