So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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